Category: bio

The bariatric journey: 3 ways to practice body acceptance

“When will I feel like myself again?”

That’s one of the most frequent questions I hear from post-op patients. Recently I looked through journals from my first two years after my surgery. This exercise recalled that I struggled with the same issue. My second-year post-op was full of changes, my freshmen year in college.  Not only still adjusting to a changing body size-wise but also the remnants of puberty and being on my own away from my parents.

I’ve lived more years after my bariatric surgery than prior. The first year, I didn’t quite feel like myself, but over time I learned (and continue to learn) that my body is always changing. This is what helps me keep perspective.

Appreciate your prior body and your changing body

It can be easy to demonize your old self, in a world that exalts dieting, extreme exercise, and weight loss – no matter the cost. Recognize all the beautiful memories you experienced before your surgery. For me, it included family vacations, first kiss, engineering camp, summers in NYC with my sister, doing a split at 400+lbs ( a skill I aspire to achieve again, one day).   

Having bariatric surgery at 16, my pre-surgery body is connected to my childhood. When others try to talk bad about my old body, it’s not just body shaming, and it’s body-shaming a child. And I recognized I would never want to body shame a child or anyone.  

By appreciating our bodies in their pre-surgery form, we can still enjoy those pictures and memories from the past. We thank our body for the wellness it provided to keep us going each day.

Bodies changing is proof we’re living life.

Our bodies aren’t the same as when we were born, right? I no longer have tonsils, but do I complain? No.

Stretch marks and loose skin will happen. Over time, our bodies inevitably change.  When it’s happening so fast, it can be overwhelming.

Celebrate true NSVs

Non-scale Victories(NSVs), this term used to describe purely non-scale victories. Unfortunately, in today’s curated world, it’s become scale-based victories in disguise. Fitting into a specific size is not a scale based victory. Flying without a seatbelt extender is an odd but scale based victory, there’s no standardized length for seatbelts in airplanes.  I’ve flown where I’ve had inches to spare; the next flight needs a seatbelt extender. 

While one of the goals of bariatric surgery is weight loss, acknowledge the NSVs.  Some of mine include:

  • No longer need oxygen to sleep. No sleep apnea.
  • Excellent blood pressure and cholesterol
  • Not contracting type 2 diabetes
  • Holding a Plank position for 90 seconds
  • Able to do 40 seconds of non-stop jumping jacks
  • Tricep extension at 15lbs

You might think the first victories are scale-based, but they aren’t.  I’m still obese, and for some, bariatric surgery does not cure sleep apnea or other so-called “obesity diseases.”  Bariatric surgery does alter the body in a way that type 2 diabetes will disappear, or effects lessen much. However, even that benefit is not weight-dependent.

During movement and exercise, celebrate being able to run up those stairs, stretch that far, lift that weight. Those abilities can be endurance training based then weight-based, surprising to some. My first time in a class, some are in awe that I keep up with good physical fitness. I’ve been dancing, swimming, exercising my whole life, my body’s conditioned.

Keep that in mind when you are exercising: bodies are different. If you lost weight and still struggle with some exercises, it takes time and conditioning.

Invest in your Mental Health

At the beginning of the bariatric journey, we spend so much time researching the best protein powders, hunting down bariatric friendly recipes, bookmarking clothes, and focusing on the physical part of the journey. The mental part often is neglected. Usually, there’s one appointment that serves as a psych evaluation, and then we’re on our own.

It’s invaluable to take care of your mental health. Writing in a journal helps. I also recommend a counselor or therapist on an individual or family basis. Based on your health insurance, it might be an untapped resource. Many colleges, mental health non-profits offer peer counseling.  There are also online options like Betterhelp.

What about bariatric support groups? 

Support groups have their place, especially positive spaces. Often, there’s way too much emphasis on the number on the scale and encouragement of unhealthy behaviors. Complimenting me on my weight loss does not help when I’m depressed. There are times when I’m frustrated I didn’t bring Tylenol to dance practice, or my hunger is out of sync. It’s not just about the number on the scale. If you’ve regained the majority or more your weight, bariatric support groups can be especially tricky. Eating disorder groups can be awkward spaces for bariatric patients.

Individual mental health work gives you the space to talk about bariatric struggles without focusing on weight.

Which of these practices are currently apart of your life? How are you working towards loving yourself along the journey?

Let me know in the comments or on the ‘gram!

Feverpitch

In May 2002, I had open RNY bariatric surgery. I was 16 and my life would never be the be same…

17 years ago, my parents and I made a decision that changed my life. At the time, we couldn’t begin to fathom how much. At 16, I had roux en y gastric bypass surgery. Bariatric surgery. Weight loss surgery.

One hazy May morning in 2002, parts of my young body were permanently rearranged. The date is not clear, I had a panic attack on the operating table on the scheduled date. They had to postpone the surgery. Luckily, my parents were patient, understanding, and gainfully employed.

I do not regret having bariatric surgery. Nor do I have any contempt for my parents. They sincerely believed without “the surgery” (as it’s known in my family), I would not be here today. Whether this is true can never genuinely be known.

I’ve been one of the lucky ones. Many have complications, needing feeding tubes or even dying. Still more were promised a long term weight loss solution, only to regain much or more weight. Others were promised deliverance from “fat illnesses” such as high blood pressure, CPAP, challenging to find veins. They later realize these things aren’t as weight-dependent as some medical professions would like us to believe.

This journey has primarily been a solitary walk. My friends and family have been there to support me. However, I never found myself in a support group, a team, working towards the same goal. As a teenage bariatric patient, there were few my age. Being in a group of adults was awkward and unfamiliar. Without major complications and expected results, I hummed along through college as an “acceptably fat” young woman.

As an adult, far past the honeymoon phase, I attempted joining my local bariatric support group. There I listened to tales of bariatric kryptonite, aka Starbucks drinks; the hushed confessions of weights hidden in underwear or binges to “make weight” to qualify for the surgery. I spoke out. Candidly. After a few weeks, I was asked not to return. It was likely for the best for everyone.

It was a shock to see patients that I didn’t consider very overweight having the surgery. My introduction to bariatric surgery was that it would prevent my early demise. Becoming thin was never my goal. Hearing stories about those who gained weight, stuffed weights to qualify, I judged. I was asked not to return.

In hindsight, I do regret being so judgemental. Compassion and understanding of those people’s mental anguish and their eating disorder is a kinder approach. Like many of you, I’m still learning and growing.

In online support groups, I vent out loud to my screen or my journal rather than seem unhelpful. I try to keep the gems, discard the rest, but there’s still a lot of unhealthy thinking and behaviors. It wasn’t right for my health, and I saw others being hurt. For most people, losing 50,60,100,150lbs and no longer needing insulin, a CPAP, etc. would rightly be a crowning achievement. Unfortunately, as a bariatric patient, sometimes you still feel like a failure.

After bariatric surgery, it’s challenging to feel that you belong. 

 Exclaim about your weight loss? You took the “easy way out” or “you’re still fat.” Body positive and loving yourself? Is that even possible after you turned your insides around to lose weight? Sometimes, I feel like a fraud around fat positive folk.

Still being obese, I get a lot of unsolicited weight loss advice. Albeit much of it stops when I mention I lost 150lbs, some will press on “how much more are you going to lose?” More? How much can a body take? Personally, I’ve met my goal for the surgery: no more sleeping with an oxygen mask, no diabetes, good blood pressure, cholesterol. Also, I can shop for clothes in stores where I live. 

These days I’m more focused on being kind to my body. For me that means getting my protein in, staying hydrated, and not eating things that make me sick. Which might be different from what makes you ill.

My goal is to continue being a successful bariatric patient and offering an honest view on life on the other side.

Oh, and taking my vitamins every day for the rest of my life. 

(they’re not kidding about that one.)